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Marriage counseling is a type of psychotherapy for a married couple or established partners that tries to resolve problems in the relationship. Typically, two people attend counseling sessions together to discuss specific issues.
Purpose –
Marriage counseling is based on research that shows that individuals and their problems are best handled within the context of their relationships. Marriage counselors are trained in psychotherapy and family systems, and focus on understanding their clients’ symptoms and the way their interactions contribute to problems in the relationship.
If your marriage is having problems, you definitely should not wait too long to seek professional help. It may be hard to find the right counselor with the skills to help your relationship, but they are out there and willing to help. There are ways to to find a counselor specializing in marriage or couples therapy. You may have to meet with more than one to find the right fit. There are also ways to gauge if counseling will actually work for your marriage.
While divorce may be necessary and the healthiest choice for some, others may wish to try to salvage whatever is left of the union. When couples encounter problems or issues, they may wonder when it is appropriate to seek marriage counseling. Here are seven good reasons.
1. Communication has become negative. Once communication has deteriorated, often it is hard to get it going back in the right direction. Negative communication can include anything that leaves one partner feeling depressed, insecure, disregarded, or wanting to withdraw from the conversation. This can also include the tone of the conversation. It is important to remember that it’s not always what you say, but how you say it.Negative communication can also include any communication that not only leads to hurt feelings, but emotional or physical abuse, as well as nonverbal communication.
2. When one or both partners consider having an affair, or one partner has had an affair. Recovering from an affair is not impossible, but it takes a lot of work. It takes commitment and a willingness to forgive and move forward. There is no magic formula for recovering from an affair. But if both individuals are committed to the therapy process and are being honest, the marriage may be salvaged. At the very least, it may be determined that it is healthier for both individuals to move on.
3. When the couple seems to be “just occupying the same space.” When couples become more like roommates than a married couple, this may indicate a need for counseling. This does not mean if the couple isn’t doing everything together they are in trouble. If there is a lack of communication, conversation and intimacy or any other elements the couple feels are important and they feel they just “co-exist,” this may be an indication that a skilled clinician can help sort out what is missing and how to get it back.
4. When the partners do not know how to resolve their differences. I remember watching GI Joe as a kid. Every show ended with the phrase “now you know, and knowing is half the battle.” For me, that phrase comes to mind with this situation. When a couple begins to experience discord and they are aware of the discord, knowing is only half the battle. Many times I have heard couples say, “We know what’s wrong, but we just don’t know how to fix it.”. This is a perfect time to get a third party involved. If a couple is stuck, a skilled clinician may be able to get them moving in the right direction.
5. When one partner begins to act out on negative feelings. I believe what we feel on the inside shows on the outside. Even if we are able to mask these feelings for a while, they are bound to surface. Negative feelings such as resentment or disappointment can turn into hurtful, sometimes harmful behaviors. I can recall a couple where the wife was very hurt by her husband’s indiscretions. Although she agreed to stay in the relationship and work things out, she became very spiteful. The wife would purposefully do things to make her husband think she was being unfaithful even though she wasn’t. She wanted her husband to feel the same pain she felt, which was counterproductive. A skilled clinician can help the couple sort out negative feelings and find better ways to express them.
6. When the only resolution appears to be separation. When a couple disagrees or argues, a break often is very helpful. However, when a timeout turns into an overnight stay away from home or eventually leads to a temporary separation, this may indicate a need for counseling. Spending time away from home does not usually resolve the situation. Instead, it reinforces the thought that time away is helpful, often leading to more absences. When the absent partner returns, the problem is still there, but often avoided because time has passed.
7. When a couple is staying together for the sake of the children. If a couple feels it is wise to stay together for the sake of the children, it may help to involve an objective third party. Often couples believe that they are doing the right thing when staying together actually is detrimental to the children. On the contrary, if the couple is able to resolve issue and move toward a positive, healthy relationship, this may be the best decision for all involved.
Fortunately, we do have some information on the types of couples that get the most, and the least, from marriage counseling:
Here are some questions to consider:
• Did you marry at an early age?
• Did you not graduate from high school?
• Are you in a low-income bracket?
• Are you in an inter-faith marriage?
• Did your parents divorce?
• Do you often criticize one another?
• Is there a lot of defensiveness in your marriage?
• Do you tend to withdraw from one another?
• Do you feel contempt and anger for one another?
• Do you believe your communication is poor?
• Is there a presence of infidelity, addiction or abuse in your marriage?
If you answered “yes” to most of these questions, then you are statistically a higher risk for divorce. It does not mean that divorce is inevitable, it may mean that you have to work much harder to keep your relationship on track. Those couples who have realistic expectations of one another and their marriage, communicate well, use conflict resolution skills, and are compatible with one another are less at risk for divorce.
The Effectiveness of Marriage Counseling
The science on the effectiveness of marriage counseling is being studied in great detail these days. The data from studies has at times been mixed. Some research has shown that marriage counseling is not as effective as people think, that women seem to get more from it than men, and that it might not have a lasting effect on the couple’s marriage.
Despite this we think that receiving professional help before problems reach critical stage is very beneficial to a marriage.
What Type of Couple Gets the Most From Marriage Counseling?
• Younger couples
• Non-sexist and egalitarian couples
• Couples who are still in love with each other
• Couples who are open to therapy and change
• Partners willing to look at themselves and their flaws
What Type of Couple Gets the Least from Marriage Counseling?
• Couples who wait too long before seeking help
• Marriages with one or the other spouse set on getting a divorce
• Married individuals who are closed to any suggestions that may save the marriage
• Marriages with one partner addicted to alcohol, drugs or pornography
• Marriage with one partner showing up to sessions but is not invested in the work.
Please call us at +91-7773033773 or email us at themokshaguru@gmail.com for marriage counseling if your case fall under any above situation.
